Unplanned Burden of Joy



Every life is a gift, and pregnancy should be a treasured time of joy and happiness. However, finding yourself not married but pregnant is the last thing any girl would want. In Singapore, it is getting more and more common to get married due to unplanned pregnancy, but is it the right thing to do? 


No one has the answer to that but you. Take a quiet moment and ask yourself the following questions before you decide—because no matter which path you choose, the decision is going to change your life. 





Are You Emotionally Ready?

Frankly speaking, no one is ever ready for an unplanned pregnancy; however, if you are at the stage of your life when you are ready to make a commitment, ask yourself whether you are emotionally prepared to take on not one but two lifetime commitments—your baby and your marriage. Being emotionally ready will ensure that you are able to face tough situations that may develop later on. 





Is Your Relationship Mature?

Personally, I have friends who were already planning to get married or were on the waiting list for an HDB flat. Finding themselves pregnant was generally well accepted (that is, after the initial shock) by both the couple and their families. Many would think of it as double happiness and joy for the couple. However, if your relationship is not ready for the step of marriage, you may want to sit down with your partner and talk things through. Otherwise, either party may feel that the union is forced, rather than willingly chosen. Many such marriages lead toward infidelity or divorce. 





Are You Financially Ready?

If you are not, you should start making plans right now to save more and cut down on unnecessary purchases. Raising a baby will take up a huge chunk of your salary and even more so as he or she grows. Making sure that you are financially prepared is a sign that you are ready to embrace this newcomer into your family. 


Will you have support?

Rally friends and family to get their support, not only emotionally and mentally but also practically, once the baby comes. It feels good to know that they will be your pillar of support when things get tough and to realise that you are not alone in this journey. Regardless whether you'll be going through this as a single or together as a couple, you will need to have family and friends to lean on and to get advice from. Ultimately, the decision is yours and your partner’s to make. Do not feel that you have to rush into marriage just to save yourself from embarrassment or because you need two incomes to sustain a happy child. Make the right decision by having talks with one another as well as with each other’s families. If either one of you is undecided, wait for the right moment because a marriage is for life and not a hasty decision to be rushed into. Written by Kally Tay Edited by Priscilla Lai

73 views